The cause of developing the traits of unhealthy narcissism is not known exactly, it is likely to be a number of things and be complex, nothing will be black or white other than the narcissists thinking mode.   Research suggests parenting styles (or whoever gives care to the child) are mismatched to the child's needs or parents who indulge their child's every whim or create the 'special' child or the opposite and parenting styles which neglected, harsh treated, criticise or ignored.  The child built skills in order to survive in childhood.  Most articles I have read on the causes of narcissism seems to have a common thread which leans towards a bio-psychosocial causality; nature equally to nurture.   What makes one child susceptible to gaining a personality disorder when another child under the same circumstances will develop depth empathy for others is unknown. 

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Within the Humanistic school of thought Maslow would advocate for  needs are not being fulfilled, haven't been fulfilled in childhood and the child has fixated at the age when trauma happened.  The adult child is more than likely suffering with Complex Post Traumatic Stress  (CPTSD).  Rogers would advocate the self-concept didn't developed healthily in childhood see here for Rogers 19 dispositions of the development of personality.  Transactional Analysis would advocate that the individual has been shaped by their environment especially in childhood and ego states are contaminated and childhood scripts need re-decisions thus as an adult we have the potential to create scripts which work for us to reach our full potent.  Gestalt would advocate that people have substituted their ‘fluidity’ for ‘character’ that which has adapted to expectations and requirements of the external world.  Thought to be a self-concept who the person believes he or she is; seeing a healthy self as always forming, changing and creatively adjusting.  A unhealthy self as stale, ridged and frozen.   

 

 

There are a few theories  who have focused on the cause of unhealthy narcissism one being James Masterson who pioneered research and gave understanding into the cause of this personality type.

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Masterson (1993) suggests two categories for pathological narcissism in his book "Search for The Real Self".  He proposed "exhibitionist" and "closet" narcissist.  In his thought both fail to adequately develop an age and phase  appropriate self because of defects in the quality of psychological nurturing provided by the primary caregivers. 

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It is the closet narcissist who is more likely to be seen to behave with a  deflated, inadequate self perception and greater awareness of emptiness in their inner world.  This personality type would be seeking approval from others and at the same time needing to please them;  Masterson thought this type would be similar to a borderline personality.

 

The exhibitionist narcissist would be seen as having a more inflated, grandiose self perception with little or no conscious awareness of the emptiness within. Such a person would assume his or her  condition was normal and that others were just like them and would be seen to seek lots of admirations from others with an insatiable thirst.

 

Otto Kernberg states that

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"there are three types of narcissism: normal adult narcissism, normal infantile narcissism, and pathological narcissism. Pathological narcissism, defined as the libidinal investment in a pathological structure of the self, is further divided into three types (regression to the regulation of the infantile self-esteem, narcissistic choice of object, narcissistic personality disorder) with narcissistic personality disorder being the most severe of all".  Source https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_F._Kernberg 

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 Alexander Lowen, M.D in his book "Narcissism Denial of The True Self "states:

 

"Clearly in my opinion, the basic disturbance in the narcissistic personality is denial of feeling.  I would define the narcissist as a person whose behaviour is not motived by feeling". (Lowen, 1997, P8)

 

Lowen' theory  of  the experience of  the unfeeling world of the Narcissist and the inconsistencies they present self  i.e. the image is bigger than the core inner self and it is the image which is being driven to uphold at the detriment of others. Because  a person who is motivated by feeling has empathy for others and would understand how it feels to be hurt and wouldn't want to cause hurt and pain for another.  

 

Which ever way you look at the cause of Narcissism  all are valid since the process of narcissism is complex and no one can know 100% because it just that theory; and its more than likely a mixture of all the theorist concepts.

 

 What I can talk about are the impacts of loving,  living and working amongst others who would be seen as using this type of unhealthy behaviours as part of their  personality type! 

 

Because whatever the cause the affects of a unhealthy behavioural  process for  victims will remain the same .... the person considered or labelled a Narcissist is the first victim in this traumatic way of living.

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Confusing, cruel and devastating, my hope is the information containing in these pages will open readers to explore further readings and theorists research and thought to bring some kind of clarity from the chaos of living and loving a person who would be considered to offer an unhealthy process of behaviour.

Who are Narcissist?  You, me your neighbour, teachers, therapists, mums, dads, siblings, doctors, nurses, lawyers, dustmen, bus drivers, friends, colleagues in short anyone because healthy narcissism is just that healthy.  In all likelihood though if you are asking yourself the question do I have an unhealthy narcissistic process or am I a narcissist?  The answer will more than likely be no since by all accounts those people deploying the harsh traits which can be considered unhealthy narcissism inflicting others with devastation do not ever develop the insight or personal awareness into their true selves, therefore would never contemplate that question in the first place and are not seeking to change only to find new ways to gain supply.  Although in my experience they do know they are not like others, they don't class themselves equal to others and they usually underestimate their self-esteem when talking with other. They do not want to change their behaviour why would they when they can have what they want when they want;  they are very skilled at getting their own way at the expense of others.  Unhealthy narcissism is a personality disorder the traits this person  deploys is to protect their own self and can be thought of as their defence mechanism's, they are protecting self from annihilation.   So you can begin to understand their behaviour as actually nothing to do with you personally  and everything to do with them, just them and it is very sad apart from the fact they, hurt and break other people.

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Who are victims? - Victim can be anyone full stop.  The person utilising  this unhealthy process will have chosen them for a number of reasons, for example, the victim may already have been a victim in the past they may have suffered trauma and betrayal of some  kind in their own childhood including abuse from others with unhealthy behavioral process.   You may have known the person for some years before they choose you through work or friends or family.  So they will already know your background or some if it or you will have met them randomly and they looked at you through the eyes of excitement as a new source of energy  because you were nice to them and they need you to be nice to them because they are not nice to anyone.   You are not thought of as a person  in your own right you are solely there to feed their ego and as such they see you as a supply for that in narcissist  speak, you are known as a 'narcissistic supply'.  As such we are depersonalised as a human being, attributed a place in the stock room where you are supply on demand.  Brought out when they want your particular energy for their self or wants something from you not when you want, need anything from them, in fact when you do they will withhold what you want.  

 
Don't be hard on yourself  - Because the person  only lets you see what s/he wanted you to see and know all  the good qualities they project of course are yours not one of them will bel the person displaying the unhealthy behaviour. S/he will have mirrored all those wonderful values,  beliefs and positive traits of yours in order to 'suck' you in like a hoover!  They may also be your father, mother, siblings or any relative as such if as a child you needed that person to survive then you will have grown up around someone who deploys unhealthy behavioral; needs  and never knew it! In adulthood by the time the manipulation is recognised a victim will already be heavy invested emotionally in the relationship with this person;  because s/he makes sure you are before hitting you with their true colours.  By invested I mean you will have spent  lots of time, socially and personally, you may be invested by creating a family together and invested by creating a home together as such all your finances will be directed towards the 'family'.  You will have invested psychological energy and more than likely the whole of your emotional world into the relationship.  There's no better way to bond to another then through sex, you will also have invested emotionally  and spiritually.  Since you trust, love and adore him or her and you will be so in love you will believe and feel this person is your Soul mate.  If the person with these traits was a parent or close relative you spent lots of time with as a child then by nature you will have had every thing about your life invested in them to survive!

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BUT and there's always a but ... this is the illusion the unhealthy self-concept  has lead you to believe.  None of it is true!  Because remember these people seem to be only out for themselves even if they have children with you they will sadly be seen by them as an extension of their own ego and as such in need of being controlled as you are!  In the eyes of the unhealthy of course because if s/he can't control you then their needs are not fulfilled and also know their needs cannot ever be fulfilled because they are insatiable.  Hence the constant affairs and the need for newness in the latest fashions, the latest and most up-to-date technology the best holidays, the best car, the best children, the best wife or husband the best of everything and anything which can be perceived by the outside world as "here I am and I am a success" the opposite of how it really is.  With an unhealthy process nothing is what it seems and to a person with unhealthy narcissism their image is everything to them, their ego needs constant stroking by everything external because their internal world amounts to a big fat zero, nothingness it is empty and void!  They are the dark destroyer in the night, in the day 24/7.