Trauma bonding is an intense emotional attachment to someone which feels more than love and affection, the emotions involved are very intense.  When I think about how the trauma bond feels its like an invisible umbilicus attaching bonding so we are unable to move very far away because the cord securing restricts movement.  Attached from the other to our  heart; the cord thick and strong with open fibre like tentacles spreading out as far as the inner eyes could see like a web so the flow of emotions moving to and fro with ease.  One way streets with both never really gaining any real intimacy never really gaining real closeness; one way for nurturance along the core of the cord and one way through the fibres slowly filling one with red hot bile. Like radio waves we hear the music, the chatter, the banter blaring out from the machine but we can't see how the music  gets to the player.

The trauma bond is  very resistant to change; the bond is traumatic because this type of bonding is the result of intermittent reward and punishment which is reinforced over time. The passive aggressive behaviour of a significant other i.e. lover, husband, wife, father, mother or anyone who we feel love for and rely on to meet our needs.  The intermittent positive rewards reinforcement interlaid and intermittent with aggression and abuse creates powerful emotional bonds. The behaviour is acted out to control and overpower  victims into submission enmeshing them, making them like a puppet on a set of strings which the puppet master has control over.  The bond is difficult to unattached from because of the intensity to belong and the need to love and be loved.  Un-attaching is difficult but not impossible; think of it like cutting the cord, cutting the strings so the puppet master is no longer able to control or have power over you.   

Attachment theory was created by the thoughts of  John Bowlby, observed infants going to any length to prevent separation from their parents when separation occurred the child would cry, scream, cling, endlessly search to maintain proximity to their caregiver.  Thus feel safe, secure, protected and nurtured with worth and value just because we exist!  Very similar in adults who have traumatically bonded with a Narcissist who has deliberately created fear and co-dependency in their targets.  The fear of separation, rejection and abandonment is loaded with anxiety, this type of bonding is very intense, seeps into the core of our being, is difficult to change, but not impossible.   

Our bonds are strengthened by interacting, doing things, and facing life events together with people both positive and negative; negative events intensify bonds.  Attachment and bonding is normal behaviour in the animal kingdom and in interpersonal human relationships, with nurturing caregivers who raise us to become interdependent.   That is raise us with a sound self-esteem and confidence, able to both ask for help and support when needed and also able to stand on our own two feet.  We are able to leave the rest and face whatever life throws at us.