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  • Writer's pictureSusan Stubbings

Emotions - Do they rule you?

Updated: Jan 14

Are your emotions in the main negative, positive, indifferent?

I often hear “don’t be pessimistic” or you “have an optimistic view, " I don't feel this, or I don't feel that", I'm more of a thinker than a feeler.

Yet we are all born with the same ability to 'feel'!

Emotions are part of the human experience they are a nature phenomenon we are born with!

Emotions are there to protect, alert us to danger or pleasure, there to guide, advise, correct or even just be and be nothing in particular but a Self, Being!

But what about ‘Poptimisatic’ my term for an integration of emotion which is accepting of both sides of the coin.

On the growing edge; that ‘no man’s land’ between reflection, recognition and repression.

Do we feel first? Do we think first? Do you even know?

We may not know or believe our thoughts and feelings work together or there is no gap between them in existential action.

We may recognise a thought first or we may recognise a feeling first!

What we feel and think and in which order is called our process, our personal pattern of relation to Self.

For example, if we decide an experience is a pleasant one then we may keep the emotion that pops into our awareness, but if we decide (think) the arising emotion doesn’t feel so good we may repress them and retract away from them. Burying them deep inside ourselves.

Does that make the feeling disappear?

Being emotionally healthy or emotionally intelligent as the term is these day's, is about feeling all the human emotions not just a few and banishing the others we don’t like.

All emotions have a purpose for human survival otherwise they wouldn’t exist in man!

‘Poptimisatic’ is neither one thing or the other it’s about accepting all our human emotions and once we can accept the feelings and thoughts which pop in and out of our being we are on the way to be able to manage any and all emotions as they arrive without repressing any at all.

Rather like a dance of precision all our emotions working together to bring our Being back to equilibrium many times throughout the day.

If we allow our feelings to come and go without holding onto them then they flow and we go with them as they transition from one to another, in and out, back again to bring balance, calm and peace.

Holding onto our emotions causes us to have anxieties, depressions, fears, difficulties handling life’s events as they are presented to us.

Equally so when we hold onto our positive feelings we don’t want to let them go because they feel so good.

Yes savior them for a while and remember them .....

But don't give them permission to overrule all other feelings which often inhibits a richer, fuller here and now of human experiencing.

Change is inevitable

Nothing stays the same whether it is positive or negative or somewhere in-between. Once we get used to this idea we can allow our emotions to flow, not allowing our emotions to swing from one extreme to the other, catching and containing them to balance our way of Being makes us more able to get a handle on whatever life throws at us; we are able to work with any of our feelings as they arise.

We can act in a more congruent (consistent) way so we obtain more healthy outcomes for our self and for the people around us.

If we allow our feelings to come and go without holding but rather being more curious to what this feeling is trying to guide us with/too, we can become more self-aware.

So, next time you ‘feel’ or 'think' something - don’t be so quick to accept it without exploring it first.

Sit with them for a while, ask the thought or the feeling:

  • What are you trying to guide me too?

  • What do you wish to convey?

  • Where did you come from?

  • What gave cause (trigger) to your appearance?

  • Have I felt this before?

  • Is it the same as before?

  • Can I name it and claim it?

  • Catch their transition!

Really get into the feeling, explore thoughts without shying away, start slowly feel, sense the growing edge and practice, practice.

Until you get to know the process of all your individual emotions, how they feel, how they move about, how they transition from one to the other; how you name and claim the emotion.

Practice until you know yourself inside out!

Until you can congruently say 'I feel' and honestly know your emotions.

Then your emotions can be the source of authenticity, contentment and peace.

If you want to explore your processors and want support to understand your emotions

I offer a free half hour telephone or video call so you can meet me before our first session. 

Contact me at or telephone, text, WhatsApp message on 07867938630 and lets connect and realise the possibilities and your potential. 

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