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Resolutions do they work? Are they worth the effort?
Well I guess the answer to those two questions sits in our perspective and belief about New Year Resolutions.
If your well than it may make sense to think about and make goals for the forthcoming years.
I’ve learnt if your unwell or seriously ill resolutions don’t mean a thing and probably the last thing on your mind, because they don’t matter in the core of illness.
For the past years, too many to count here and now I’ve never made resolutions because I never stick to them for longer than a couple of weeks, the old patterns sneak back in and the familiar and comfortable reins.
Last year Christmas and New Year I was ill with Covid that turned into pneumonia, and I was in hospital on oxygen so the only thing on my mind was getting better and the word hope filled my mind.
Resolutions who needs them?
What I’ve learnt was they don't work because:
GOALS making goals at the beginning of the year and expecting ourselves to keep to those goals for the next twelve months sets us up to fail at the point of making them.
Here’s why:
we change naturally over the course of twelve months and in some cases, we change a lot, I’ve learnt, we change our mind often, our needs and wants change often. I can change from one moment to the next because change is a process.
time is relative because the only time we have is here and now. The past is gone but will have left its mark and the future is ours to build so its not happened yet.
Although goals can be motivating, they can also be ridged and actually restrict what we want to achieve if they are not flexible.
We can set unrealistic expectations, increasing stress and pressure which overwhelm us and so we don’t even get our resolutions off the ground.
Unrealistic expectations only feed into our negative mindset and feeds the self-doubt, the not good enough and affirms I can't do this when in fact we can.
Change - is a process in my experience time is needed for change to be implemented and take hold and it doesn’t normally happened over night it can take days, weeks even months to achieve our goals e.g. losing weight, stopping an addiction or simply being a better person.
change takes motivation, commitment, patience, self-discipline and self-control all the qualities that have become ‘loose’, ‘missing’ or subconsciously dismissed in the first place for us to be setting goals to achieve.
Look to the long-term as well as the short-term.
Autonomy – resolutions don’t work because they are universal - that is it’s this time of year and so everyone makes resolutions to change, be better, do better or just be different.
However because they are universal, they don’t really belong to us personally, well yeah right, we make the goals we want to achieve personally but we don’t really believe we will achieve them because of the old familiar patterns that creep in on week two of trying
we know they haven’t worked because we may even be setting the same goals as last year, the year before and possible many years before this year.
So how do we achieve what we need and want?
What I learnt last year and a few year over the course of my life is that when we surrender to what is, then we stop fighting, resisting, pushing against and see things as they actually are in real time.
Take ownership and be responsible for our personal need fulfilment don’t blame the past that’s gone, don’t pin all our hopes on the future that’s not arrived yet take responsibility for here and now and work to fulfil your needs in the here and now.
Be objective that is see yourself from outside yourself – take a step back and identify the bigger picture. What’s underlaying the old patterns that stop you changing? For example, is your self-esteem in need of a boost, has your confidence dwindled? Do you know what your emotional pattern are? Do you need support to identify the underlaying reasons?
Set realistic goals e.g. I want to lose 4lbs in the next four week and undertake the actions that will help you achieve 4lb lose. If you achieve the lose then what you are doing is working.
Focus on what’s working rather than what’s not, once you start to see the positive consequences this will motivate you and keep you motivated.
Be open to learning, don’t resist the change you want to make try new things that may help you achieve your wants and needs.
If the old automatic thought patterns creep back in then seek professional support to help you identify what blocks, what resistance, what your present mind-set is that stop any real change happen.
Ask for help and support – It is a strength to ask for support, enlisting others to support you will make achieving your wants and needs easier on yourself.
Final ponderings
Change is a process therefore making New Year Resolutions not all negative because you have begun the process of change or wanting or need to change. So look at your resolutions as your first step.
Without the second, third, forth steps and so on the resolutions won’t work on their own we need to implement them into actions that support our change taking place.
You’ve heard the saying “build it and they will come” we can apply this to our inner world also if we choose to do so, we are the master of ourself there is only you, me that holds the key to our world how it works or doesn't work. If we put the effort in, we will fulfil our needs and wants, our mindset will change and if we think long-term the new mindset will become the norm and much easier to maintain.
Be kind and gentle with yourself as you start to make the changes you need.
I offer a free half hour telephone or video call so you can meet me before our first session. Contact me at pendulumofpeace8@gmail.com or telephone, text, WhatsApp message on 07867938630 and lets connect and unlock your possibilities and fullest potentials.
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